Selfish

When the word selfish is spoken it is used in the manner of describing someone who only considers themselves. Whether someone likes to spend time and money on things that please them, never considering someone else’s needs, or they enjoy their own company rather than sharing time with others. Selfish can describe a plethora of actions, thoughts, and/or behaviors.

Whether you consider yourself selfish or not, you may have someone in mind when you hear that word because of something they have done to you or a thing you’ve witnessed them doing.

Have you ever considered yourself to be selfish?

These days it’s easy for me to want to draw away and “selfishly” retreat to a quiet place where there’s no noise. No phone, television, radio, chatter…baa’s, moo’s, barks…However hard I try to get away from the noise, I find that I cannot escape it. Even the ringing in my ears gets loud. As I press my eyes closed harder and focus on the sound of my breathing, I begin to hear my thoughts unpack and finally I turn off my own selfishness and scrape away the hardness of my heart as it begins to break for the grief I’ve caused the Spirit as I realized I had run away from what He was asking from me.

Surrender. Submission. Solidarity. Steadfastness. Self.

Today, as I prayed with a sweet friend who is about to bury her son, her second child to grieve, I am sickened by my selfishness. Beginning the day telling God what I wanted, He led me to hear what He commanded: trust, submission, obedience. I’m grateful for the wisdom I’ve learned thus far in my walk with Him. Reminding me that Jesus gave His life for me, I have made the decision to give mine to Him, therefore I must seek HIS will daily, not mine.

Standing on the Solid Rock, trusting His hands for the future, I’ve decided to follow Jesus. No turning back. No turning back.